Epic Fail

Today I messed up and I mean big time.  Last night I missed my bedtime by about an hour, getting to lay down around 2:00 am.  That's not normally a big deal but even after laying down I had some trouble falling asleep.  This isn't unusual for me to have trouble going to sleep because my mind just doesn't stop. I think think think think all the time. I was sure to set a bunch of alarms as I usually do. I was suppose to be at work at 9:30 today which means worst case scenario I need to be up by 8:30, and preferably by 7:45.

I woke up at 1:15 p.m.!!!!!!!!!!!!  Humiliation, Embarrassment, Disbelief, Shock, Anger can all describe the emotions that I felt when I looked at the clock.  I slept through 8, yes I said 8 alarms.  I am a store manager and the store is suppose to open at 1:00 on Sundays.  It takes me 30 minutes just to get to work.  I called the other manager to ask if she could run in and get the store open (she lives a few minutes away) while I made it there.  I arrived at 1:45 p.m.  4 hours and 15 minutes late for my scheduled shift. 

I am not the kind of person that does this kind of thing.  I have a good attitude, I am a hard worker, I give my best efforts because I believe at the end of the day I am working for God.  I recently, along with my husband, took over the youth group at our church.  I had known I was suppose to do it for a very long time but put it off because of my work schedule.  Finally I surrendered to it, but have been struggling managing both responsibilities.  My boss wanted (past tense after today) to make me a Training Store Manager in order to fast track me to be a DM.  I told her that I don't think I want that level of responsibility at this time.  Its not that I don't want to do well at work, I just want to make sure that God and His work I am to carry out is at the proper priority level.

I keep thinking, "Why didn't I wake up 20 minutes sooner, so at the least the other manager would have gotten there in enough time that the store didn't open late."
 
Am I struggling with something so much because its not what I am "called" to do?  This is just one small and brief example of the trials I have endured. 

I have always done well at work, moving up quickly, being a standout amongst my peers, and while I have definitely had key accomplishments I have had very low lows with my DM remarking, "It's like you can't catch a break." She told me that in 8 years she has never seen another manager go through so much craziness.  I have remained upbeat through it all, determined to persevere.  Now I just don't know.  Am I working against God's will for my life?  Am I suppose to tread on and endure?  I told God I would do whatever He wanted me to do, go wherever He wanted me to go.  I feel like He is pushing me in a different direction but how do I know for sure?

I trust God and will trust Him no matter what. I know He will provide.  I very well may get fired tomorrow or some time this week but I am trusting that it is all apart of His plan.  I feel bad for letting my boss down and possibly putting my family in a difficult financial spot, but its not like I've actually done anything wrong.  I wouldn't be terminated for poor performance my DM thinks I am awesome and my store's numbers show that we are performing well, top in the district and top 20 (out of 90) in the zone. 

I've been asking God to help me see what I need to do about managing my time.  I've been trying to organize and plan so that I can make the most out of my time and juggle work and church, youth group and family and I think He just gave me my answer, He created some more time for me.  I will keep working at being more organized and frugal (For sure, looks like we will need it) and clean and orderly.

I'll post a follow up tomorrow